A look in my spiritual journal shows the trail that has led me to where I am...
A year ago, I asked Him to knock down every part of me and then to rebuild me the way He wanted me. I had no idea how long that process would take (and it is still in the process...always in the process). The walls of self have been smashed one at a time, with painful cracks and splits and dizzying thuds to the ground below.
One such moment occurred during my quiet time when I was reading about the Pharisees, hypocrites. It's easy to condemn them and nod our heads in agreement that such people are truly no good. Then the mirror arose before my spiritual eyes, and I saw myself in those pages. It was I who was a hypocrite. Jesus commented on the Pharisees being white-washed, of having their outsides clean but the insides corrupted. It was me. I sat dumbfounded for a few moments and reread it. Again, the mirror showed my reflection. I shifted uneasily in my chair and reread it a third time. My reflection was unmistakable. How, Lord? How am I a hypocrite? And the mirror became too much to bear... My cup, so very clean on the surface, so very admirable on this blog screen, so incredibly honorable in front of friends and strangers was nothing more than a polished cup with crud inside.
You want to get real with yourself? Just look inside your life's cup...all the hidden thoughts and secret grumblings...all the stuff you sweep under the rug when the neighbors drop by. Look into that cup...face the filth...and ask Him to clean it out. Only He can...it's much too crusted-on and stubborn for you yourself to remove. It takes His blood.