I sit down to type after a lengthy blur of activity...holiday travels, trials, computer issues too many to name. Followed immediately by the spiritual renewal we enter into every January...dedicating a new year to Him, praying, fasting, calling out from a soul in deep hunger for Him. And He answers. Ahh, to truly grasp the concept that those who seek WILL find Him when they seek with all their hearts! Again, He proves Himself faithful.
A handsome black journal sits in my bedside drawer and catches pieces of the continual onward movement in my spirit. To put into type everything of the past several months' seeking would take a novel of epic proportions. But, in sharing this, it may be that another soul who has similar yearnings would be led to this quiet hidden blog and also find the lost key. To that longing soul, I open up my journal and share over the next few blog posts...
I will start by speaking from the spot on the road where I now stand. Just as hundreds of strokes are made on a sculpture before it begins to resemble the recognizable, so it is with us as we journey. I will share someday soon about some of the profound "strokes" that compelled me to where I now am, but for now, I will simply explain the view from this place.
It's eerily quiet, as if somewhere down the line, I turned one way while the crowd turned the other. I hear the sounds from fellow pilgrims, but their voices are muffled and far off...on a nearby path somewhere out of sight.
How do I put this into words that capture the depth and breadth and width of what lies inside my soul? Every attempt I make seems a failure. But I will try...
In short, Eternity has captured my thoughts.
In the middle of an amazing Japanese restaurant for my birthday celebration, it was really a perfect night. Without warning, somehow the noise of the room faded, and it seemed as if the only sound in the entire place was my beating heart... Tunnel vision set in as if in slow-motion as I watched a man and woman in traditional Japanese dress talking together quietly. My heart beat beat beat...perfect calm rhythm. But my soul squeezed in a wringing pain as I thought of the souls. Are they Yours, Lord? Has anybody told them of Your Hope?
Lying in bed one morning this week, the radio alarm came on with a commercial for replacing kitchen cabinets. Without warning, I felt a sick feeling sweep over me. Kitchen cabinets. There are people on the other side of the globe who have never ever heard the name Jesus. Who cares what my kitchen cabinets look like?
You see...eternity has captured my thoughts. And, though the majority of our modern society would not understand, I am completely abandoned to His thoughts alone. A few years ago, I began to ask Him sincerely to "break my heart for the things that break His heart," and He has been faithful to do exactly that. My heart is indeed broken.
So, when people run into me in the grocery store and ask, "How are you doing?" I tend to say, "Fine." Who in the world would understand the reality of a soul in agony for other souls? Except for occasional contact with people of similar conviction, I feel the solitude on this path.
It's crazy to the human mind. But, my spiritual eyes have been opened. I know what I have failed to see my entire life... My life...your life...is not truly lived unless invested in eternity. One day it will all be burned up, and all that will remain is what was invested in God's Kingdom work. That's it.
Eternity has captured my thoughts. And absolutely everything is viewed through that lens now. Nothing is the same. And though the road seems rather remote, there is purpose with every step. I wouldn't trade it for anything this world has to offer. Yes, you can say that's crazy.