Monday, April 4, 2011

Awake before dawn

The IDEA of surrender is appealing.  "In acceptance lies peace."  Peace, so often elusive, beckons me...and all I have to do is surrender.  It's like bartering: bring surrender to the table and exchange it for peace. It all sounds really good in type on this screen. 

But when at 3am I'm jolted out of bed by a little one with a gushing nose bleed...  Well, I wasn't thinking of surrender.  I was thinking of let's-get-this-fixed-so-that-I-can-get-more-sleep!   With nosebleed under control, little guy tucked back into bed and bathroom cleaned up, I headed back to bed.  Then wrestling with the sheets began...trying desperately to fall back asleep before the alarm went off.  I wasn't thinking of surrender then.  Tossing and turning only worsened my mindset, and pretty soon I was huffing on the outside and growling on the inside.  A stream of things came to my mind: "it's going to be a looooong day...I'm going to be grumpy...I need more in the world am I going to be a good Mama when I'm running on fumes..."

I began to pray.  

And then it happened.  I remembered that peace lies in acceptance.  Though my day was already heading quickly downhill before the sun had even contemplated rising, the paradigm shift began to force my thoughts onto new territory.  Peace lies in acceptance.  With burning eyes and weary body, I let that moment seep into my soul.  Breathe it in...this moment right here was not a mistake.  Somehow, some way, it is one small part of the tapestry that makes up my whole life.  It may be a mere speck in that tapestry, but I could either wrestle with it or accept it.  Wrestling meant great frustration.  Accepting meant peace.

I chose acceptance.

If I truly and honestly, with all my heart, REALLY believe that my God is in control...then He was in control of the pre-dawn moments.  If I accept HIS Will for my life, then I accept what appears (in my limited human viewpoint) to be inconvenience.  

There truly IS peace in acceptance.  

Lord, let the day roll in.  Bring your sun up over the horizon, as only You can do.  Set my day on Your course, and let me see every moment, every inconvenience, absolutely everything as from Your loving Hand.  

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, whose thoughts are fixed on you!" ---Isaiah 26:3

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